I’ve always known I’m an introvert, for as long as I can remember. It’s not really something I’ve ever had to reflect over or re-consider, it’s just the way I am. Strange then, that if the topic comes up in a discussion I always follow up the “confession” with something along the lines of “..but I’ve gotten a lot better over the years!”. Like it’s a disease. Like it’s something I have to explain and excuse.
When I say that I’ve become better what I actually mean is not that I’m no longer an introvert or even less of an introvert than I was 5 years ago, but that I’ve become better at not showing it. I’ve become better at acting less like an introvert, at being able to sustain small-talk (even though I hate it) because I know it’s what’s expected.
I received an article from a friend today which made me pause about halfway through and think “That is so me.”. It is rare that I react so strongly to something like this so I thought I should share. Two things in particular stood out for me. Here’s the first:
Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge.
Introverts are people who find other people tiring. That is exactly it. I love being with my friends, but inevitably I’ll find myself exhausted and want to regroup. The exact period of time depends mostly on two factors. a) How many people are there and b) how close am I to them. A couple of hours with a close friend can amount to about the same as 30 minutes with a room full of acquaintances (though even after an afternoon with one of my oldest friends, I’ll still want to recharge eventually).
The second thing that touched me is towards the end:
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice?
First, recognize that it’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s an orientation.
This is directly at odds with what I mentioned before, that I myself explain my “condition” to people. “I’ve gotten a lot better” – No, I haven’t, I’m still an introvert. It’s like saying I’m trying to change my sexual preference. a) Why would I? b) Good luck! Not going to happen.
This is who I am. Deal with it.
Inspired by: Caring for Your Introvert